ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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