Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
