pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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