sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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