she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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