dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
