i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
