If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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