Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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