i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
