I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
