I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Text me some of your sweat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
