My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
