like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
