If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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