my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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