ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
