We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
