therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
