saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
