Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize