i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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