What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
