dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
