She announced her abortion via fbk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
