So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
