I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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