What a fucking waste of an outfit
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
