I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
