very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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