im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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