Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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