I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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