Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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