He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
