oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
