piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
