Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
