All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize