I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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