i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
