shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
