In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
