You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
