I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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