turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize