How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
