I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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