God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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