I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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