so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
