i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She needs sedatives and a leash
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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