My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I enjoy the company of your penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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