You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
