Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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