I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
