So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
