evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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