I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
