There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
