I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize