i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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