half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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