my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
is it fun? or sober?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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