I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just tell him i said nine months
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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