True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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