So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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