he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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