Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize