Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
