you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
