You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
