...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize