Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize