I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
