I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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