nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
