I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize