The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
