Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize